No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
