how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
