So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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