Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
