Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
