I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
