We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
