I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
