Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
