Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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