i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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