i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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