Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
