While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
