It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
