i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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