She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
