Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
