mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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