You work out of a Hotel?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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