A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
