whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize