i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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