if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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