I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
