and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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