my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
