Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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