Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
