you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
