fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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