that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
