Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
