Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
