I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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