just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize