I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
