I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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