but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
