It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
