No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
