So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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