she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
