feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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