turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
