I think my vagina is haunted
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
