I skipped work to stalk him.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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