So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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