He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
