I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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