I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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