Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
