You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
