So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize