Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
