I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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