last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
