Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
