its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
