Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
