did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
