if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
