Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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