I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
