i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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