swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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