wrigley field is MILF paradise
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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