This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
