omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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