DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
