please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
