the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why do cheetos always look like penises
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
