I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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